Red Bull F1 Spy: Chinese Grand Prix

AFTERNOON, RedBullF1Spy here, submerged in the Shanghai paddock swamp, covered in camo paint.

OK, they call it a ‘lagoon’ — but if it looks like a swamp and smells like a swamp ... let’s just say Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now is definitely Spy’s role model this week.

Not that we’re in a war zone, though you may have noticed a slight whiff of tension emanating from our garage.
Well, yeah, it is what it is: drivers crossing each other off their Christmas card list isn’t anything new.
Seb and Mark aren’t the first to draw handbags at dawn and they won’t be the last — it’s a big garage and they have their own corners to flounce off into.
You’d be surprised, but it’s not a massive cause for concern for anyone else, especially for the more experienced crew who’ve seen it all before.
Unless the drivers take each other off out on the circuit, no-one’s going to be particularly bothered.

Actually, in typical blunt pitlane fashion, it’s an excuse to take the mickey.
The playlist on the garage iPod has been the weapon of choice this weekend: we’ve had I’ll Stand By You, All You Need is Love, Brothers in Arms, etc, etc.
Not surprisingly, there’s a whole lot more hullabaloo outside the garage.
Yesterday Seb had his usual pre-race press conference and it was heaving.
Seriously, standing room only.

Spy wouldn’t usually observe something quite so trivial but I got trapped having a snooze on the balcony and, with water on all four sides of the building, I didn’t really have an exit strategy.
It was amusing, though, to see Sky TV covering the event – and then realise the written press don’t always ask their questions couched in language conducive to live broadcasting.
Their producer’s look of panic after the F-bomb exploded was brilliant.
Maybe they’ll have to show it on Sky Atlantic after Spartacus. But do the drivers still talk? Yes, Spy actually saw them together as they went into the engineering office here in the paddock.

That press conference had more of an impact on team morale than anything else that went on – but that’s mostly because the room he does it in is where we keep the tea and coffee and no one from the team could get through the throng.
Everyone here can put up with 36-hour shifts in tropical heat or deal with monsoons flooding the garage but deprived of the tea urn for half an hour there’s definitely a touch of mutiny in the air.
But Spy digresses, actually it’s impressive the media found us in the first place.
Not only is the paddock here enormous but the team buildings are all perched on stilts above the generously-titled lagoon and reached by a maze of little bridges and bamboo-shaded walkways.
If you’ve seen them on TV, they’re pretty nice, but finding them is a nightmare.
You can see where you want to be, but have no way to get across the water short of building a punt.